I got the trend Ds tattoo of the three arrows facing forward symbolizing the three chromosomes and progress. It means something great to me, but it also brought pain.
I admitted to my husband today that although I would never take Down syndrome from Trent, I would be lying if said I am not exhausted. The polite words of "How sweet, you will have a baby forever" when he was born are starting to feel like a curse. He isn't a baby; he is a 9 year old boy, but in so many ways, he is like a toddler. And no one, no matter how awesome the toddler years are, wants a toddler for 9 years. I.AM.EXHAUSTED.
And I will be judged for being exhausted. We are not supposed to hate any part of this journey. We are supposed to be the chosen few mothers. Most days, I love the club I'm in, but some days, especially lately, I'm ready to have a child instead of a toddler. I won't even hope for the 9 year old child.
Currently, I'm trying to teach him how to work the controller of the playstation to watch Netflix or his DVDs. No matter how much many ways I try to teach it, it just isn't sinking in. This is a first world problem for sure, but it still hurts in ways I can't explain.
I am exhausted with diapers, with temper tantrums, with not knowing if he has outgrown his shoes because he doesn't tell me, with not understanding much of what he says.
He is an amazing kid so full of love; I shouldn't be feeling this way. As the tattoo symbolizes, I should just keep moving forward, maybe silently. But really, I'm exhausted.
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