Since Trent's birth, I've worried about him. More so than my other kids. His diagnosis makes it impossible not to worry.
I worry about normal things, and I worry about silly things.
When he was a mere two years old, I worried for months about his future job aspects. So I told myself that I would treat him no different than my other kids, but....
If my other kids spend the rest of their lives bagging groceries, I would consider that too little ambition.
It would not be okay.
So then I freaked out. Is it okay for Trent to bag groceries for the rest of his life?
Should I expect more for him just like the other kids? Or, when and if the time comes, do I accept that bagging groceries makes him happy and is the best he can do?
Oh, the headaches and tears these thoughts brought me.
And he was only two years old!
Really, the "future job" worry is just a larger scale of thoughts that nag me. How do I balance my expectations for Trent?
For example, his speech will likely always be unclear. Do we continue with therapy indefinitely or do I accept a plateau?
As his mom, do I know when we have reached a plateau?
Or do I expect the therapist to tell me?
Where do I draw the line between helping him reach achievements and trying to make him perfect/"normal"? Is there a clear place, on the spectrum, that this imaginary line occurs?
I have no answers.
Luckily for me, Trent makes it easy to take it day by day. To just be his mom. To rejoice in his achievements.
(But I would still like answers.)