Since Trent's birth, I've worried about him. More so than my other kids. His diagnosis makes it impossible not to worry.
I worry about normal things, and I worry about silly things.
When he was a mere two years old, I worried for months about his future job aspects. So I told myself that I would treat him no different than my other kids, but....
If my other kids spend the rest of their lives bagging groceries, I would consider that too little ambition.
It would not be okay.
So then I freaked out. Is it okay for Trent to bag groceries for the rest of his life?
Should I expect more for him just like the other kids? Or, when and if the time comes, do I accept that bagging groceries makes him happy and is the best he can do?
Oh, the headaches and tears these thoughts brought me.
And he was only two years old!
Really, the "future job" worry is just a larger scale of thoughts that nag me. How do I balance my expectations for Trent?
For example, his speech will likely always be unclear. Do we continue with therapy indefinitely or do I accept a plateau?
As his mom, do I know when we have reached a plateau?
Or do I expect the therapist to tell me?
Where do I draw the line between helping him reach achievements and trying to make him perfect/"normal"? Is there a clear place, on the spectrum, that this imaginary line occurs?
I have no answers.
Luckily for me, Trent makes it easy to take it day by day. To just be his mom. To rejoice in his achievements.
(But I would still like answers.)
Holly, these are all very valid questions, and they should be asked by all of us. Questioning these things is part of growth and acceptance. I don't know that anyone has the answers - or, the answers are different for everyone, maybe.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think most of we parents of kids with Ds have had the "bagging groceries" anxiety. I used to bristle at the thought of Finn landing in a job like that, but I guess I don't feel that way anymore. It's not what my kids do for a living that makes their life worthwhile; working is a way of being productive, and a contributing member of the community. There is a woman with Ds who bags groceries at my local supermarket - she's been there since long before Finn was ever born. She's good at her job, she seems content, her fellow employees treat her pretty much like one of the gang . . . so I guess at this point I just don't see a downside. If that's what Finn ends up doing, so be it.