A Letter to a Middle Aged 7th Grade Teacher

Ms. ______,

This letter will not be polite and I do not apologize for my anger.

I strive to raise moralistic, responsible, friendly, and kind children.  Beside the obvious reason that it is the right thing to do, my youngest child's life depends on his older siblings having those qualities.  You see, they will likely be the only caregivers he has when my husband and I leave this earth.  My youngest child has Down syndrome and at 5, functions moderately well but if his level of functioning continues at the same rate, it is a real possibility that he will not live independently.  I deal in statistics often, real possibilities are to be prepared for. 

My youngest child has an IEP at his school.  His eligibility ruling for SPED was Mental Retardation.  If he ever has an IQ test, his IQ will likely fall in the Mental Retardation range.  Rosa's Law has changed much of the terminology in government documents because the President, rightfully, listened to advocates (self and family) who said "retardation" has an extremely negative connotation for those who live with learning disorders, developmental delays, and medical diagnoses.  The word carries the weight of genocide, mental institutions, civil rights violations, and bullying.  For those of us that love and have compassion in our hearts for how words can puncture self-esteem and cause pain, we do not look for the banning of a word, just for others to have the common decency not to use it.  To CARE about feelings....especially of children.

I understand another parent has already contacted you about your use of the word "retard."  I'm assuming you either do not care that it is offensive, or it is such a habit for you, that you cannot stop.  I wonder what other inappropriate things you say in front of your students. 

With the very little respect that I still have for you, I say GROW UP!  You are not your students.  You are not 13.  Speak like a grown woman.  Speak with less offensive terms.  Speak with respect and kindness. 

Don't give me a silly, immature excuse that you weren't calling someone a "retard", much less a person with a label of mental retardation, because that is not the point. The point is: Saying that a silly, gross, or accidental deed is retarded is the same as saying it is similar to what a person WITH mental retardation would do.   That showing an empty mouth void of gum is equivalent to scoring two standard deviations below the mean of an IQ test.  That it is equivalent to being slowed in development or progress.  

Shame on you for setting such a low example for impressionable youth who already bully and show a distinct lack of kindness and empathy toward others.

Let me give you a scenario:  You have a child with a learning disorder in your class.  Or perhaps a child that is a little socially awkward.  Outside of your classroom, in the hallways, the other children look at him with disgust and say, "Retard", "You're so retarded" or "That's so retarded" when he drops a pencil.  This bullying, of course, hurts him.  Then he steps in your class and expects safety.  But no, even the teacher says the word.  You are not talking about him personally, but you used the same offensive term as every other unkind 13 year old.  Again, GROW UP.

You can assume I'm the word police.  I don't care.  If you cannot control your mouth, please let me know and I will transfer my son from your class in a heartbeat.  He has already heard his brother referred to as a retard.  The word cuts into him just as it does me.  If you will treat him any differently due to him telling me how your words hurt, let me know and I will gladly transfer him to a more mature-speaking teacher.  (I wouldn't even tell anyone if you admitted to that.) 

I do not need nor want an apology.  I demand improvement and respect for those that are often not able to demand respect for themselves. Respect their history and the struggles they face daily. Respect that the word, to thousands of ears, sounds just like other slurs that I won't even lower myself to type.  It is corrosive and divisive.  If you need better, less offensive words, I can buy you a thesaurus.  They are not expensive.  Seriously, let me know.

To the administration I have copied on this email, feel free to remove Ms. ____'s name and share this with all your teachers.  Perhaps sensitivity training.  I can come and give a talk to them if my point was not clear enough.  If you need more information on why the word is offensive and considered a slur (as opposed to slang), I can certainly provide that as well.  For now, this one will do:  www.r-word.org.

Angrily and fed up,

Holly Fedele